I thought seeming the topic of teenage pregnancy has come up today, I would share my story. Even if its at the risk of making myself sound terrible, and causing the rolling of several eyes :)

I found out that I was pregnant at 15. I had somehow managed to get myself mixed up with the wrong group of kids, and allowed them to talk me into doing things that i didn't really want to do.

So there I was, 15 pregnant, and due 6 weeks after my 16th Birthday. I felt terrible, and scared. Not because I didn't know what pregnancy involved or what child raising would be like, but because I now had to admit it to the world (or so it felt) before anyone noticed. Mum cried, but was supportive, and for the first time in my life I saw my Dad cry too. Ouch. I had just broken my parents hearts big time!! After that night, my Dad never spoke to me. I had to sit and listen to my mum inform my entire family what i had done. My family is huge, so that can't have been an easy task. But i feel so blessed that they were also really supportive and where all happy with my decision to keep the pregnancy.

I left school at the end of my 5th form year, and actually managed to pass somehow, as i missed three months of school due to the Hyperemisis (vomiting) i suffered from the pregnancy. I lost all my friends, not that I cared. Well all but one. A friend I took for granted at the time, but will spend the rest of my life being thankful for, as she is the best friend anyone could ever have!

My partner at the time was the most unsupportive. He wanted me to terminate the pregnancy, in the and agree to 'support' my decision. I went to all antinatal visits alone, and during my 24 hour labour he slept. My dad was the one who suprised me the most at this point. He was overjoyed (and still is) with his gorgeous granddaughter!!

When she was 6 weeks old I sifted to Whanagrei with my partner. I had decided that we needed to make a life for our little bundle. Well. Big mistake!!!!!! little did i know he was abusive. Things turned voilent, i was trapped. Its easy to hide bruises from family, when they live 3 hours away. I didn't drive, and we lived on a farm 30 mins drive from the nearest civilisation.

I didn't want to let the fact that i was young effect my daughter, and decided before she was born that i was no longer a 'child' and that i needed to act like a mother and not be the child that i actually was. It was not my daughters fault that she had been born, so no more parties for me (id just like to point out here that i did not party during my pregnancy either), i was a mum and she was the most important thing in the world. So i learned to drive, and joined our local playcentre.

As a young mum, i had alot to prove. Parenting is a hard job, made alot harder by judgments made by people who don't even know you!  During everyones parenting journey, whether you are a young mum or not, you make mistakes. But God help you if you make a mistake when your a young mum, because if someone finds out, you NEVER hear the end if it. Its alot harder as a young parent, generally you start with little or no money. You have no back up cash, no life savings, oh and no 'things'. Not only did i have no baby things, i mean who does before their first child comes along, but i had no house, no furniture, so kitchen things, no bed, no sheets... Nothing. My family where fantastic, and managed to find some spare old things that they no longer used and they helped us set up our 'house'.

When our baby was almost a year old i found out i was pregnant again. I was more devistated than the first time, and terrified to tell my partner, as this was not by choice, but in an abusive relationship, i guessed it was unavoidable. A few weeks later a had gotten used to the idea and got up the guts to tell my partner. One punch in the stomach, and it was all over. I miscarried 2 days later. I was 10 weeks in with twins. I hadn't been sick so i guess it wasn't meant to be anyway. A few months later, it happened again, except this time I told my parents about it quickly, and 9 months later, another beauitiful baby girl was born. I was 18.

The abuse at this point got worse, and people started to notice. I hardly went to playcentre anymore. The playcentre where had been training in childcare, and had made some great friends who supported me, and allowed me to help with the running of the centre. I stopped calling family in fear i'd get caught by my partner, and my partner began rageing infront of others. They day that really made me leave, was they day my partner started taking out his rage on the children, then aged just turned three and 6 months. He went to hit one of them, so i stood in front of him and pushed him back. To my surprise he didn't hit me, but went back to work out on the farm. The second he left I threw everything i could fit into the car, kids clothes,  a few clothes for me, brith cerificates etc. I put the kids in the car and i left. I unfortunately all left the photos of the births of the girls and all the memories and milestones behind, and i havn't seen them since. But im SAFE! and thats what matters!! Although I did suffer years of harrassment.

This is where judgements really started. I was 18, and a single mum of two. And for the first time, i was forced to go on the DBP, something I swore i would never do. I gave myself 6 months to get myself sorted. I rented one of my Dads rental houses (Thanks Dad!!!) and enrolled at uni to do a teaching degree. We struggled, but we managed. I never asked for any extra Winz grants, as i was embarrased enough having to for the DBP. I must confess to eating weetbix on a few occasions for dinner, when we were really hungry, but we never starved. I did lots of volunteer work (about 20 hours a week) to make up for my feelings of needing to be provided for. During my study i worked late (sometime till 3 am) to get my work done, and still allow time with the girls. I was tired but im So thankful I passed with honours.

Just before I started my degree, i started dating an old friend from school. We had been friends for years, but had lost contact when i shifted. We had been friends from the time i shifted back to auckland again, but I wasn't interested in dating anyone, and just didn't trust anyone either. But somethings i guess are just supposed to happen. And well to cut this long story a little shorter, we married on the last week of my degree. He is like a dad to the girls. In fact he treats them no different. He is the most amazing husband and best friend i will ever have! I never thought I could be so lucky!! We have since gone on to have our own child.. another girl!

I have learned so much over the years. But one thing I have learned is that peoples comments still hurt. I may now be 28, but im 28 with a 12 year old duaghter, and well this still shocks people! But i have learned to laugh it off, and well at least im enjoying every minute of being a parent.

So perhaps to sum this all up, i thought i would clear up a few things

• My children always have shoes on unless they themselves have taken them off.
• I do not wander around the mall without shoes on myself either, or do my children run around causing havoc, nor do they have green snotty noses, in clothes that they have worn for a week.
• I no not, nor did i ever spend money on alcohol or cigarettes before paying my bills and feeding my family
• I do not leave my children to look after themselves while I go out. They either come with me or I stay home.
• I have been clubbing once, at my fathers insistence to see what other 'kids' my age where doing.
• I do not throw wild parties in which my kids hide in the nearest corner fearing for their lives, around the drunk and wasted party goers.
• My children do not stay up watching unsuitable things on the tv until all ours of the morning.
• My children attend school unless they are too sick to attend, or it the weekend or a holiday.
• My children are not left unsurpervied all day until called for dinner.
• My children do not live on McDonalds or any other fast food for that matter.
• My children actually eat and enjoy fruit and veges!
• My children have manners, ok yes they forget sometimes, but who's children don't?

These things above are true now and always have been from the time I became a parent. And im sure i have more to add to that list but im sure you are getting sick of reading now!

So a few tips for you when you see a young parent. Smile, it helps. Don't judge, because you have no idea what they are going through. Just because they are young, that doesn't made them a bad parent. And rememeber that parenting is hard no matter what your age, but young parents have it harder, and your judgements don't help.