I couldn't help it. There was no stopping those tears from falling. I felt real bad and yes, it was self-pity, but there it was.
My one and only good pair of jeans got ripped. Why? I sat down the sofa, but hubby had not yet fixed the broken arm rest and somehow, there was a nail exposed that snagged my jeans. I screamed an "ouch" since it hit my skin, too. Minor flesh wound. But the big hole on my pants stung more. I quickly went down to our bedroom, took off the jeans, and opened my sewing kit. I had no thread that was near the dark blue shade of my trousers. I decided to go with the royal blue. After I stitched the hole up, that was when I could no longer see clearly, because tears welled up in my eyes. It has been more than a decade since I last bought a pair of jeans. This one pair was one I was quite happy about, mainly because they fit me well and they cost half of what I would have paid in a store. I bought them from a favorite eBay seller who was based in Dubai and would frequently ship fab plus sized clothing to the Philippines for reselling. How was I going to buy again from her and have it sent here in New Zealand without paying for the shipping cost? No way was I going to be able to do that. At least not in the near future. Worse, I was jobless (when this happened 2 1/2 years ago) and trying hard to be frugal, especially since I had to not only curb, but put an end to my former shopaholic life. So there I was struggling to overcome a weakness and that incident had to happen. Thus, the downpour of tears.
After I calmed down, I turned to God. I normally visit http://wau.org for daily Mass reading meditations and articles for reflection. By chance, that afternoon when I went to the site, it was earlier than I usually would, and thus, the meditation was for the previous day, which focused on God's Holy Cross and how we should let go of material things. It struck me. I was truly meant to read it. How silly it was of me to have been so attached to a pair of jeans and get so affected by it getting torn. It was just a pair of jeans. I stitched it up and it still looked good. It wasn't perfect, but it suits the owner.
It had to happen so I would learn from it. And I did.
"Lord, give me the courage and conviction to let go of the things that are blocking the flow of love in my life, so that I can receive a generous helping from you."
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