Mothers Forum

I have never posted on a forum yet but could do with some advice. I am currently 6months pregnant with my third child, I live hours away from family and close friends with my two primary aged children and my husband who is dealing with server depression has decided to leave me. He is spending alot of time with our children and is still finacially helping to some degree but I feel emensly alone.He left because he did not know if he wanted to be with me, he had been in inappropriate relationships with other woman however I believe these were not sexual at all.  My own family are glad that everything is over, but all I want is my husband back, my family back together I dont even know if that is possible. Any Advice would be greatly appreachiated

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Life's not fair is it.

I'm sorry I can't be of much help as I've not been in your position myself, but aside from talking to a therapist of some description (and there's no shame in that), the only other advice I could give is that no matter how hard it is, try to think of the positives of the situation. Flip the negatives around if you can.

All the best.
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I feel for you battymum. My husband has been through several bouts of severe depression and it just grinds you down so much. After his last episode I had basically had enough of the constant barrage of lies, deception and appalling behaviour. We were on the verge of separating but after he had been to a couple of wellness meetings, the counsellor made him see that what he was doing was destroying our relationship and, contrary to my husband's beliefs, it was all on him and not my fault. Having someone independent to mediate definitely helped us. I'm not saying that this is the case for your relationship but maybe seeing a counsellor will help your husband through the depression so that he can make a firm decision on your future as a family, even if it is to part ways.

Is there a family member who could come and stay with you for a couple of weeks to help out and give you a shoulder to lean/cry on? Or could you go and stay with someone for a while?
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Hi Battysmum I see you are in Selwyn, is that Selwyn/CHCH? if so...Are there any groups nearby like in Halswell/Taitapu or Lincoln that you can join up with..coffee groups? Plunket? Pregnancy swimming/yoga etc... Craft groups etc. I cannot offer any advise but I'd suggest meeting up with other Mums. You don't need to spill all but surrounding yourself with others at a time like this could be the best thing, it will lift your spirits and give you something to look forward. Plus if you are away from family & friends it would be great to build up a support network for when bubs is born. Someone might have been thru the same thing and be able to help. I'm really sorry to read that you are feeling this way and struggling along. Thinking of you, take care.
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Hi battymum, I can also offer you no real advise as I am not in the same situation as you, but I can imagine you are feeling rather alone. I agree with the other advise already given and also suggest talking to someone or joining in a group of some sort for support and advise. All the best and take care. xx
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Pip

Thanks for all your advice, I persoanlly am seeing a councellor which is really helping and also trying to remain positive and surround myself with people who support me. Im not sure where my husband is at pritty sure he is not seeing a councellor which i think would help. We had also already been doing marraige councelling together which I thought had helped but I also think it probably wasnt long enough. I think the thing that scares me the most is not having anyone physically here for me when bubs comes along I know I am having a c section (as it is my third one) and the recovery time with three children is freaking me out a bit. but trying to remain as positive as I can be sometimes that is all you can do :)
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Hey battymum, im a single mum of three. my husband left due to me being sick all the time, which he couldn't cope with. I have arthritis, which is treated with chemotherapy drugs. I work full time, and often dont feel well, but apparently he couldn't cope with it. never mind how i felt. He never cheated on me. But if he had had any type of relationship with any other woman, sexual or not, that would have been the end in my eyes. My first partner cheated on me several times, and I believed him each time he told me he wouldn't do it again, and I swore no one would ever do that to me again.  
Anyway, i was a little worried how i would cope. I wasn't sure I could do it. But I have discovered over the last few months that I actually can. And I can smile alot whats more.
We have hard days, by friday im really tired and in serious need of a sleep in (haha don't get many of them! lol).
I'll stop blabbing now, but you are most welcome to private message me for a chat and some support!
 
take care and all the best xxx thinking of you.
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