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 Help with jealous toddler...

02-09-2012,9:01 PM      
HamiltonMummy
Join Date : Sep 2012
Location : Hamilton
Posts : 2

I have a two and half year old son and an 11 month old daughter. We have a situation that is progressively worsening. My son is very clingy towards me and I have to admit, my husband and I have not really helped. From when I first had my daughter, whenever my husband was around he would care for her and I would care for my son. When we tuck the kids down and read them their bedtime story I hold our son and my husband holds our daughter. If we try to do it the other way around now, my son get very distressed and has a tantrum. If my son hurts himself or just needs a cuddle it has to be a "Mummy cuddle", Daddy just won't do. I know this isn't healthy and while my daughter doesn't mind being cast aside (to Daddy) for her brother for now, I can see this creating issues further down the track. How can we help change this situation, without distressing my son too much?
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03-09-2012,7:47 AM      
MumBum
Join Date : Nov 2009
Location : Mission Bay
Posts : 156

My boys are 2 years and 3 months old and 9 months old...I found that our toddler would do the same thing. I actually think you are doing the right thing in paying a bit more attention to your boy... after all, if you look at things from his point of view, he is still only little, a baby himself really, and he was THE baby of the house until your girl came along.
I don't think it will have to cause issues later on, especially if you take care of his needs before baby's so that he doesn't feel like he's been ousted.
When our baby was newborn, and even now, I made sure that I fed our toddler first, and didn't try to make him wait to eat or for his drink as he is too small to understand. Now, he plays nicely with his baby brother and it helped stop his clinging to me when I made sure to include him as much as possible while I was doing things for baby, like when I change baby, he would sit and talk to his brother, or he would help me run their bath and I bathe thwm together.
It was also really important for me to make time just for him, so instead of fussing over the house work or doing other things when baby has his naps (he has two a day), I make sure that my toddler and I have quality time together, drawing, playing with his toys or even just sitting and watching one of his movies... I also take him to playgroup once a week, and leave baby at home with his Dad, this gives us Mum/Son time without me being distracted by baby.
I'm not sure if any of this has helped you, but my own opinion is that he just wants to feel secure and as a little guy this is the only way he can express this... good luck, hope it all works out. :-)
_______________________
Peace, Love, Happiness and Hugs.MumBum of three boys. XXX                                                                                               
03-09-2012,1:52 PM      
ekubo
Join Date : Mar 2010
Location : Christchurch
Posts : 236

I tend to agree with mumbum. Actually I find myself doing that a lot these days, she's a very perceptive woman! The harder you push them to be independent the tighter they cling. Fulfilling his need for support and security is more likely to pay off with a confident little boy down the track.
And boys do cling to their mums. None of my crew will take a daddy cuddle if mummy is around, even the 10 yr old comes for a mummy cuddle if he's upset or has hurt himself. Dad is preferred for other things, just not cuddles.
Does your son spend much time with just his dad? Maybe giving the two of them some bonding time apart from you would help a little. And, in my experience, boys will start to gravitate more toward dad as they get a bit older, around school age.
_______________________
Boys rock!
03-09-2012,5:52 PM      
MumBum
Join Date : Nov 2009
Location : Mission Bay
Posts : 156

It's my turn to agree with ekubo!LOL
I also have an 8 year old son who was very much a "Mummy's Boy" right up until he was around 5 or 6 I think?
And like ekubo said, even though Daddy was great for eeling, bike riding, wrestling, building huts and playing that god awful Playstation and Xbox, it was still (and is still) Mum who needs to dish out the cuddles. :-)
These days that's about all I'm used for by him, cuddles, tucking into bed and homework... oh and its always MY permission (or lack of permission) which carries the most weight, other than these things, he is now at an age where Dad is just the biggest super hero since Batman/Spider man?Superman or whoever the flavor of the day is. :-)
Dad/Son dates and days out are great for building that relationship and will you give you time alone with your girl so that you can bond with her too... like ekubo said, don't push him or he'll cling tighter... gently does it I feel... Oh and thanks for the compliment ekubo. xxx
_______________________
Peace, Love, Happiness and Hugs.MumBum of three boys. XXX                                                                                               
Yesterday,9:50 PM      
HamiltonMummy
Join Date : Sep 2012
Location : Hamilton
Posts : 2

O.K, thanks, I feel really good about following that advice! This is what I WANTED to do but I was worried about my daughter feeling left out in the future. I guess there is no point preparing for something that might not actually happen, particularly in a way that would be detrimental to my sons well being.
We do have Mummy/Daughter time and Daddy/Son time which is appreciated by all of us and I also make an effort to give my girl a cuddle or play with her when my son is a bit busy :-)
 
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